n56) Cultivating Self-Love and Compassion

 Cultivating Self-Love and Compassion

There is a multi-billion dollar industry dedicated to self care — around $450 billion, to be precise. And while self-care practices are an important part of cultivating self-love, it's not everything. To put it another way, while bath bombs and massages are ways of expressing your love for yourself, they’re not necessarily how you build it.

Many of us have been subject to a variety of messages around self-love and how to cultivate it. We may have been told that we “can't expect anyone to love us until we learn to love ourselves.” But for those of us who've experienced childhood trauma, difficult relationships, or any number of other painful experiences, learning to love ourselves may not be as easy as it sounds.

The good news is that self-love is actually a skill you can develop — much like self-confidence or self-trust. And it's an important one. Learn what self-love really is, how to go about building it, and whether or not you really need the bath bomb in this video.

What does self-love mean?

Self-love means that you have an appreciation, affinity, and positive regard for yourself. It’s closely related to self-esteem and self-compassion. When you have a strong sense of self-love, you understand your own value and treat yourself in a loving way.

Unlike narcissism, which is excessive self-absorption and self-interest, self-love is a positive trait. Loving yourself means having a good understanding of both your strengths and weaknesses. Narcissism is generally associated with poor mental health. But high self-love has a positive effect on your well-being, mental fitness, and your relationships.

Why is self-love important?

Self-love is critical to our overall well-being. And despite what the perfectionists think, loving yourself doesn’t mean that you don’t hold yourself to a high standard. Without feeling positively towards ourselves, we may find it hard to be motivated. Many studies suggest that we need self-love in order to take action, take chances, and take on new opportunities.

Self-love helps us take care of ourselves, lower stress, and strive for success. But it also protects us from negative thoughts, self-sabotage, and pushing ourselves too far. It’s important to recognize that knowing what to say “no” to is just as important as learning when to say “yes.”

5 benefits of self-love

Self-love isn’t all touchy-feely. Well — okay, it is kinda touchy-feely, but its benefits are rooted in science. 

1: Lower stress, higher resilience

When we feel stressed, it’s generally because we don’t feel capable of living up to the challenges in front of us. When you have a strong sense of self-love, you’re better able to tackle challenges. Negative feelings and self-critical thoughts compound stress. When we feel good, though, it’s usually easier for us to problem-solve.

Self-love and self-compassion are directly linked. When we have a high sense of self-love, we’re able to look at challenges as temporary setbacks — or even as opportunities for growth. This attitude helps us become more resilient.

BetterUp’s research has found that coaching can help improve self-compassion by over 60%. And self-compassion has a marked impact on developing resilience.

Not only does self-compassion — and by extension, self-love — help us bounce back better, it keeps us mentally fit. More than 1,000 research studies have linked self-compassion to reduced psychopathy and improved well-being.

2: Willingness to take risks (the good kind)

When we’re willing to take risks, we do so because we have faith in ourselves. We know that we’ll be able to handle the outcome — whether we get what we want or not. A big part of that is self-trust, but it’s also a belief that you are worth the investment. 

Imagine this scenario — a loved one, like a child or best friend, wanted to try something new. If they shared their insecurities with you, would you tell them that they’re probably right and most likely going to fail? Or would you encourage them to take a chance anyway because you believe in all the reasons why it would work out?

3: Empathy

When we are able to see ourselves — and accept our strengths and weaknesses — with compassion and appreciation, we can also have compassion for others. This ability to hold space for other people’s struggles helps us to become more empathetic. In turn, empathy creates a stronger connection and a sense of belonging.

4: Self-efficacy

There are four components to self-efficacy. These include seeing other people succeed, having your own mastery experiences, and being affirmed by others. 

5: Setting boundaries

There’s a saying that a dishonest “yes” to something you don’t really want to do is an honest “no” to yourself. We often think that saying yes to everything and always willing to help is a virtue. However, a key part of self-love is knowing what to give your energy to — and what doesn’t serve you.

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